I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
