i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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