My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
