I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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