OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
