I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
