I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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