I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize