I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love having hate sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My ATM looks so different sober.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
