Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
