I just saw a hot homeless man
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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