you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just shotgunned beers for America
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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