I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
