when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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