I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
