My hand turned me down
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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