one might say we're banned from that church
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
