you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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