All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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