There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
