I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
True strength comes from lack of pants
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
