Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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