I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
