I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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