I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
