Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found the puke drawer
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
