I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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