No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
