will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
