Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
