My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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