Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
