Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
