i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
