this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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