you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
