I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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