I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
