Screwed.edu
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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