I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My penis needs a shock collar
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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