he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
