I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
