would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
