i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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