I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't deserve a penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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