you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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