Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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