Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
