walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
