capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
