the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
