Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
