i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
