his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So. Much. Porn.
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