dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
