Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
