I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
