Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
