We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
