were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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