i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
