Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
