I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am available for nakedness
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
