i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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