that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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