It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
