And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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