I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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