I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
