I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
