ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
