Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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