so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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